The café kid is a fat and easily excited teenager. He has a video camera and isn't afraid to use it.
- Actor: Andrew Caldwell
The café kid was hanging out one night in, of all places, a café. While he was videotaping some buddies, a huge flaming thing from space crashed nearby. This caused a lot of explosions, which excited the teenager; he called it "a hundred times cooler than Armageddon" (however, that's not really an impressive feat). Dashing toward the obliterated building, the café kid questioned whether the owner had "asteroid insurance". Otherwise, he's so boned.
The kid claimed to see something in the nearby tree, but was forced from the scene by firefighters. Despite this, he made a plea for a space rock. In his excitement, he failed to notice the new fire response vehicle slipping away.