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Optimus Prime's closing narration.

With the All Spark gone, we cannot return life to our planet. And fate has yielded its reward: a new world to call... home. We live among its people now, hiding in plain sight... but watching over them in secret... waiting... protecting. I have witnessed their capacity for courage, and though we are worlds apart, like us, there's more to them than meets the eye. I am Optimus Prime, and I send this message to any surviving Autobots taking refuge among the stars: We are here... we are waiting.



"Look, can you do me a favor—can you look out the window for a second? See my father? He's the guy in the green car? Let me tell you about a dream, a boy's dream, and a man's promise to that boy. He looked him in the eye and said "Son, I' gonna buy you a car, but I want you to bring me two-thousand dollars and three A's." OK, I got the two thousand and two A's. OK, here's the dream. Your B minus? Pfff! Dream gone. Kaput. Sir, just ask yourself... what would Jesus do?"

Sam Witwicky negotiates a better mark for his Family Genealogy project


Bobby Bolivia: "What with the semi-classic nature of the vehicle, slick wheels and custom paint job—"

Sam: "The paint's faded!"

Bobby: "Y-yeah, but it's custom."

Sam: "It's custom faded?"

Bobby: "Well, it's your first car, I wouldn't expect you to understand." (turns to Ron) "Five grand."

Ron: "No, not paying over four. Sorry."

Bobby: [turns back to Sam] "Kid, c'mon, get out, get out of the car."

Sam: "No, no, no, you said cars pick their drivers!"

Bobby: "Well sometimes they pick a driver with a cheap-ass father—out of the car."

—Negotiations over the car at Bolivia's Finest Quality Used Cars and Petting Zoo


(Sam's car leaves in a puff of black smoke)

Judy: "Wow... you are so cheap."

Ron: "It's his first car... supposed to be like that."

—Judy comments on the car's condition to Ron


Sam: "Look, I can't be any clearer than how crystal clear I am being. It just stood up."

Sheriff: "It just stood up? Wow. That's really neat. Okay, chiefie. Time to fill her up..." (hands Sam a container and a tissue) "And no drippy-drippy. What are you rolling? Whippets? Goof balls? A little wowie sauce with the boys?"

Sam : "No, I'm not on any drugs!"

Sheriff: "What's these?" (shows Sam a bottle of pills) "Found it in your pocket. 'Mojo'. Is that what the kids are doing now, a little bit of Mojo...?"

Sam : "Those are my dog's pain pills."

Ron : "You know, a Chihauhua. A little..."

Sheriff: (annoyed) "What was that?"

Sam : "Hmm?"

Sheriff: "You eyeballing my piece, 50 Cent? You wanna go?" (leans over Sam) "Make something happen. Do it. 'Cause I promise you I will bust you up."

Sam: "(whispers) "Are you on drugs?"

Sam suffers through a little misunderstanding at the Sheriff's Department


Lennox: "I DON'T HAVE A CREDIT CARD?!!"

Operator: "Sir, the attitude is not going to speed things up any bit at all. I'm going to ask you to speak into the mouthpiece very clearly.

Lennox: "I'm in a middle of a war!" (Stray shot from Scorponox hits building) "This is friggin' ridiculous!"

—Calling the Pentagon from Qatar gets complicated.


Capt. Lennox: "I need a credit card! Epps, where's your wallet?"

Sgt. Epps: "Pocket!" (fires gun)"

Lennox: "Which pocket?"

Epps: "My back pocket!" (fires gun)"

Lennox: "You got ten back pockets!"

Epps: "Left cheek! Left cheek! Left cheek!"

—Calling the Pentagon from Qatar gets complicated further.


Operator: "Also sir, have you heard about our premium plus world service call package?"

Lennox:: "NO I DON'T WANT A PREMIUM PACKAGE!!!" (Lennox runs) "Epps! Pentagon!!!"

-Call to Pentagon gets though after much frustration.


Barricade: "Are you username Ladiesman217?"

Sam: "I don't know what you're..."

Barricade: "Are you username Ladiesman217!?"

Sam: [meekly] "Yeah."

Barricade: "Where is the eBay item 21153? Where are the glasses!?"

-Barricade takes the role of being the bad cop very seriously.


Mikaela: "What is it?"

Sam: "It's a robot. Like a super advanced robot. It's probably Japanese. Yeah, it's definately Japanese."

-Sam and Mikaela try to figure out what a giant robot is.


Optimus Prime: "My name is Optimus Prime. We are autonomous robotic organisms from the planet Cybertron."

Ratchet: "But you can call us Autobots for short."

-Optimus and Ratchet clear things up for the teens.


Jazz: "What about Bumblebee? We can't just leave him to die! And become some human experiment!"

Optimus Prime: He'll die in vain if we don't accomplish our mission. Bumblebee is a brave soldier. This is what he would want.

Ironhide: "Why are we fighting to save the humans? They're a primitive, violent race."

Optimus Prime: "Were we so different? They are a young species. They have much to learn... but I've seen goodness in them. Freedom is the right of all sentient beings... You all know there's only one way to end this war: We must destroy the Cube. If all else fails, I will unite it with the spark in my chest."

Ratchet: "That's suicide. The Cube is raw power; it could destroy you both."

Optimus Prime: "A necessary sacrifice to bring peace to this planet... We cannot let the humans pay for our mistakes. It's been an honor serving with you all. Autobots, roll out!"

Jazz: "We rollin'!"

—The Autobots discuss their next move.


Starscream: "I live to serve you, Lord Megatron."

Megatron: Where is the Cube?"

Starscream: "The humans have taken it."

Megatron: You fail me yet again, Starscream. Get them!"

-Perhaps Megatron didn't get a good enough sleep.


(Optimus hits Bonecrusher's face, and the two fall down another underpass)

Young Kid: COOL, MOM!

Bonecrusher: OHHH WAHH OHHH!

(swings his fork at Optimus)
Bonecrusher: AWAH AWWW AWA!

(Optimus gets his sword out, and stabs him in the neck various times)

Bonecrusher: BLOODY HELL!

(Optimus hits him knocking his head off)

(folds his sword)

-Bonecrusher goes completly insane, giving Optimus Prime a chance to beat the crap out of him.



Jazz: Is that all you got, Megatron?

Megatron: Come here, you little cretin.

(Jazz fires his Cresecnt cannon two times)

Jazz: YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME?!? YOU WANT A PIECE?!?

Megatron: ...NO! I WANT TWO!!!

(rips Jazz in two)

-Jazz is ready for a huge fight, while Megatron cheats and rips Jazz in two.


Megatron: "Humans don't deserve to live."

Optimus: "They deserve to choose for themselves!"

Megatron: "Then you will die with them! Join them in extinction!"

—Megatron and Optimus Prime have some mid-battle banter, Transformers style


Megatron: "Give me the All Spark, and you may live to be my pet."

Sam: "I'm never giving you this All Spark!"

Megatron: "Oh, so unwise..."

—Megatron and Sam have a tense moment on a Mission City rooftop.


"Disgusting!" (flicks Michael Bay into a taxi cab)

-Megatron showing his disgust of Michael Bay.


Megatron: "I'll kill you...Mine...All Spark!"

Optimus: "Sam, push the cube into my chest now!

(hits the road)

Megatron: RARRRR!

(Sam comes close to Megatron)

Optimus: Sam?
(Sam puts the Allspark up)

Optimus: NO, SAM!!!!

(Sam shoves it in)

Allspark: rrggg rrttr hohow rere. (destroyed)

(Megatron trys to grab Allspark, but the force kept on pushing him, and when he does get the chance, the Allspark is already inside him, and he hits his chest so hard, he destroys his spark.)

Megatron: Grrrr...

Megatron: RAHHH! AHAHAHAH! RRRRR! CHARINERING!

(Megatron falls making a huge crater in the road)

Megatron: rahhh...
Sam: (looks at Megatron's collasped body) *pant *pant *pant.
(everybody moves closer)
Lennox: "Hold up."

Optimus: "You left me no choice, brother."

(Megatron's optics turn off)

-More fibers and less Allspark in your diet prevent spark attack.

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